Blane has sensed the distance that I’m trying to keep between us. My sobering thoughts from the night before of children were a rare occurrence, but they remind me of what a harsh world we have for kids. He and I have been spending too much time alone, too much time…involved. I need to focus on my light. Healing these individuals so that they may raid this Tomb and reach Kil’Jaeden so that they can stop these demonic invasions in Azeroth. Many feel hopeful that this is the end, but I know all too well that it is never the end. My own parents are lost to the Legion, their whereabouts are unknown, but I’m not hopeful, I’m realistic. I can feel it with every fiber in my body, they are gone.
“Os, don’t shut me out. What’s going on with you?” Blane asks. I act as I can’t hear him as we make our way towards the raid, but he knows his icy gaze is burning through my back. We keep moving on and he drops it for now. We need to face the Maiden of Vigilance, a ward that Aegwynn put in place to watch over the Avatar of Sargeras, but is now corrupted from the being locked below. The Maiden senses the light inside myself and infuses me with the holy light. The raid splits as we bring the Maiden to rest, as we descend down the elevator ready to face the Avatar himself.
The thought of children won’t leave me and it’s such a distracting thought. I get tripped up on the Avatar’s unbound chaos over and over. Hours into the battle, we decide we need to retreat, replan, and get our thoughts together. I can’t help feeling like it’s me holding the team back. I can’t think straight, I can’t focus, and I’m thankful for the break. As I retreat, Blane grabs me and suffocates me in a passionate kiss. I’m resistant at first, this is not the way for me to snuff out my plans of the future…but his lips sear my neck and I feel myself break. I kiss him back in reckless abandonment before my emotions assault me and I pull away in tears. Why can’t he see how hard this is for me? We can’t plan a forever, when forever may only be a few short days. ‘The future is never a guarantee, only a promise,’ I hear my mother’s voice inside my head.
Blane wipes away my tears and that unspoken connection we have relays my thoughts as he respectfully gives me some distance. I take a walk in Dalaran and clear my head, I go to the bank and replenish my consumables before heading back to the Tomb. I feel more focused and prepared, we go back in and finally we kill the Fallen Avatar. The guild celebrates the victorious kill, but decide to call it for the night and start our assault on Kil’Jaeden himself first thing in the morning. I try to quickly make my way out before anyone stops me, but it’s too late. Blane whispers to me, “We need to talk.”
As we join the que for some daily runs, I decide to let him know my apprehensions about getting too close and how families are constantly torn apart in Azeroth… “Why would anyone want to put themselves in a position to lose so much?” I ask. “If you’re asking that, then you’re probably already there… I know I am, but I don’t care, I’m all in. I love you, Oswin,” that was the last thing Blane said to me before I went to bed. Things got a little hectic, but I took what he said and I kept thinking about it. Do I love him? What does this mean for me in the big scheme of things? Will we be able to focus when we’re too worried about losing the other as we face the Burning Legion? I guess I’ll just have to think about it tomorrow because I feel sleep pulling me further and further into its clutches.